I Love you 4….Isithembu

Isithembu, gxebe polygamy nge lika George  was practiced for the strengthening and growth of the family, back in the days.  A man was allowed to take a second wife directed by the ability to can provide for all if;

  • The first wife couldn’t bare kids and or a heir …indlalifa,
  • To assist the first wife with managing the household if there were too many chores to handle for one person,
  • When he is a healer, there is a wife chosen by you and wife or wives chosen by your ancestors. 
  • Of course ke when you come from royalty…the king is allowed to take many wives to enlarge the kingdom.

While in the days of old wealth was defined as your ability to provide in abundance generated through farming i.e. livestock, ploughing fields. Times now have changed and so have the rules of engagement, isithembu or modern polygamy is practiced with only one stipulation, you must have the wealth for it. I am talking the legal and under carpet polygamy. 

Let’s define wealth with reference to  modern polygamy;

  • The legal isithembu –  the ability to share your budget equally or unequally leaving all parties with the impression of gaining.
  • The illegal isithembu – the formulation of the polygamy gene from the lack of being seen resulting in blindness to self. 

No, I didn’t use google this time 😊 smart me !

With any polygamous relationships there is rivalry amongst the wives  and or the kids, it is always a race of outshining the other. Some of these relationships result in death either of the wives or the husband because of the witching that happens against each other. The battle is about the man being transparent, constant, fair and objective. A difficult balance to strike because each relationship bring out a different you, as well we are not alone in our relationships we walk with our ancestors too who see beyond the naked eye and directs behaviour accordingly

With each relationship we go through, a character of yourself gets exposed or realised. Relationships don’t just end, they end because of differences  realised after the honeymoon phase when the yes love’s have run out and the true characters emerge. Suddenly what you thought you could tolerate or overlook, leaves you gasping for air and brings out the worst in you. The opposite is also true, what you’ve always thought you couldn’t tolerate suddenly becomes just one of those things.

Our better halves are a mirror to us, they reflect the good and bad in us, depending on where we are on the growth scale the reflections will either be the light we need to shine or the light that dims our shine…. yes, the quality of our relationships shapes who we become, what do I mean…

The light that dims our shine……………………………………

The light that dims our shine is the reflection of yourself reflected by your better half that focuses only on the negative or the bad. That one very critical partner who never loses an opportunity to comment about how you’re gaining weight, how you embarrass them when you chew, how your eggs are never just perfect like he likes them, how you always miss a spot when cleaning….And the ladies, they tell you about how other man out there are doing it for their women, how you should do more to get more money…without providing any ideas by the way, they seize to be the “woman” in the relationship and they control when and how you get intimate. This can result in low self-esteem or depression

The light we need to shine…………………………………………….

This reflection is the one that makes you feel you can take on the world, like you are the most handsome or beautiful… yeeiiy man! This one the yes loves never runs out amid hardships disagreements and disappointments, because the focus is always on dealing with the deed and not the person. My grandmother used to say,” arguments and disagreements while in a love relationship  does not take away from you that you love each other, therefore always deal with the problem not the person”. This means, you never seize your role in the relationship because you had an argument, still call each other love even when screaming on top of your voices, continue to run him a bath after a long day of work, make him breakfast, take the cars to the car wash and fill the petrol in her car, give her that weekly allowance. You are not fighting with her/him but with what led you to the argument!

With either one of these  relationships one thing is certain we seek to be seen, mind this though we are seen not only by the naked eye but also by the ancestors you walk with, so pretence will only get you so far. Somewhere somehow your true self gets exposed and the popo hits the fan.  

We in these days cannot compare polygamy now to polygamy then, e ya la ma xesha bubu tsotsi nje qha plain and simple. We suffer from a dis-ease of the self, asizazi. We hijack the ways of old that were practiced with wisdom and dignity to feed a need of wanting to be seen. 

 I  have always subscribed to the school of thought that says, people enter relationships to have a witness to their lives. That one person who will always say, “ yes, I remember that day or that occurrence”. This happens so every moment of your life is documented and never goes unnoticed, there is always witness that you were here by someone other than yourself.  I have believed this because of the need to be seen over and over again..

How many times can a person be seen by the same person in their life? The answer is many times, over and over again. A person has many layers and when paired correctly unwrapping these layers of each other will demonstrate frustration and many challenges, because with each layer there is an entourage of ancestors to be appeased, and with each level you pass there’s much growth and fulfilment to be gained. 

Let us give ourselves the courtesy to self-introspect, get it into your mind that having multiple partners has nothing to do with lacking of the person you are currently with, but everything to do with the you that is reflected back to you. That unending need or desire to be seen is that silent voice within that says “ I need to be me”.  Meaning, the life span of the person aroused by the partner you are with has expired, it was unsustainable because it was fake and wasn’t reflecting the true you. Or it is the true you, but you just don’t…how will you know what you don’t know anyways , right ? 

Mamela, save us all the trauma u hambe u yothwasa clearly the person you need to discover yi leli khehla no ma u gogo o phila nga phakathi kwakho ! Sabela thwasa, u yabiza u gobela……

Gogo Lwandle Speaks About Grieving

Grief is one of the things people do not have patience for when it is being experienced by someone else. There will be remarks like, “he/she needs to get over it already” . Is there a timeline for grieving and ka hlehle  what is grief?  

Google amongst other explanations defines it as: Grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. 

I would describe it as an emotion felt to occupy space for what is no more, or just never was. 

When one loses something be it a person, an asset, a feeling each one of those things occupied a particular space in your equilibrium, and the absence of it causes imbalance. Naturally to put it in balance it must be replaced by something, a place holder…X. Just like in Mathematics, the process of grieving then becomes solve for X.

It is easy to understand a loss of something or someone and sometimes makes the process easier to bare, because  all you are expected to do is to gradually release the pain until you eventually forget about the cause. This as opposed to grieving something that never was or is not, a tricky one because the more you don’t remember what it is you’re grieving the more damage it causes inside you

Is there a timeline to grieving though ? Let’s look at losing someone through death. We don’t know death until we die, and maybe that’s why we grieve longer than we should sometimes. Yes sure, people should not be rushed through it until they have completely dealt with their emotions, kodwa it is equally important to let go of the grief. Holding on to someone who is gone only delays the deceased full circle, not only that, it also delays continuation of the living that will come through the passing away of the deceased. 

What do I mean? When one passes on, they become part of your ancestry entourage whether timely or untimely. If timely, you holding on to them delays them from fully settling and taking up the role they need to play in your life as an ancestor. Ulibele u yakhala la umlibe consumed in grief, awazi wena ukuthi uhleli phezu kwe lotto la. This person you are not letting go of, is the one tasked with bringing you your lotto. Lotto is loosely used in this instance, could be your breakthrough, your freedom, yes maybe even the actual lotto numbers.

Over and above the delay on the griever’s part, it is also not fair on the deceased. There is a reason it is said, “ he/she will be laid to rest”…yes rest, not noise of ongoing tears okooookooookoo wena u khala. Allow the deceased to rest, so they can come into a full being of the world they have joined. Remember every new process begins with infancy, the more you delay the process of letting go the further the time frames are pushed out. 

Imagine if their death was untimely, when will they get around to tying up the lose ends left on earth and get started on the payback for those who caused the untimely departure and then settle into being your guide. Allow yourself to heal, so the deceased can heal and those they come from on the other side must heal too. Don’t delay the process unnecessarily, you are holding up the queue and frustrating the process for many others seen and unseen and not only you. 

The trickier grief is to grieve for something that never was or is not. Yabona le inga kusa e Bhofolo (Madhouse) straight, it is an unending search for something you yourself don’t know. Yes you might be able to describe it, but even when you do get it will not be enough because you’ve never had it and therefore would not identify with the feeling, it will constantly be strange. 

This grief drives people to substance abuse, depression, solitude even intwaso. There is what people call mommy or daddy issues. It is common knowledge that people wo suffer from such look for the aspect of parental love in their partners, which results in their partners never being enough for them no matter how much they give of themselves. The one with the grief will always be looking for the next best thing, searching for that fulfilment to close the hollow  feeling inside, and when questioned will always respond with “ you won’t understand” which is just a reflection of what they are feeling, confusion.

A lot of people are unhappy in relationships, not because they are not with suitable partners but because they are grieving for themselves, la nto esiyibiza ngo mvandedwa esi Xhoseni gxhebe feeling sorry for yourself nge lika Goerge. This reminds me of an instance when I was about 10 years old sitting on the coach in my grandparents’ home in the lounge. My grandfather comes up to me and remarks “ oohh mzukulu, wahlala wedwa yintoni awuphilanga? “. I responded that I am ohkay, there’s nothing wrong with me. 

This was just too odd for my grandfather wo continued to ask a series of questions in search of what is wrong with me, so he continued, “ ukhumbula u sisi wakho?”,  I responded no “U khumbula, u bhuti wakho?”, I responded no, by the way both these people were somewhen in the house. He further went on to ask, “ ukhumbula u nyoko?” I paused to think about this one because it was a possibility, my mom stayed some 700 km away from us. I realised that it wasn’t even that so I responded, “ no”. Without hesitation he said “ u nethelwa yi mvula ?” , to which I responded “no” again. He paused for a while and with a stern voice said “tyhini, khanindiphatheleni i sabhokhwe sam  ndizo ku betha lomntwana onomvandendwa”, and to this I sprinted out of the lounge to go find something to do somewhere. 

My grandfather was prepared to whip me because he couldn’t understand why I would at that age even, chose to be sitting alone in a house full of people and street full of kids with many activities to partake in. I had no explanation for that, but I can tell you I still remember the feeling I had inside that day like it was yesterday. I just wanted to be in silence, I wasn’t thinking anything or wishing to be at a different place, I was just in the moment. I had to snap out of it though, and fast because it was something I did very often growing up…….. sitting by myself in silence.

From that day though I was conscious of it and avoided it by all means because I had a new focus point, escaping the whip. U mvandedwa _grieving for yourself isolates you from people. You become that person who is absent in your presence. That person forever asking for space from your partner, or who prefers to be alone most of the time. That person with set patterns and parameters that when invaded makes you feel violated. It makes you an unpleasant person, fussy and you hear people saying, “ no, she’s just particular about how she likes things”, hayi suka, u nomvandedwa!!

You are grieving for a state of being undefined, undescribed, absent, null and void. How do you grieve for a part of you, you don’t know, how do you grieve for a love you’ve never experienced, because even when given the opportunity you won’t recognize?  You are chasing a phantom love a false state of being that exists in your mind, make no mistake the feeling is real but not undefeated when you change your focus point. 

OO siyazi boze bathi unedlozi ungenalo, granted that is some of the signs of having a calling, but not always. Thinking back if my grandparents were looking for signs of intwaso from me, they most probably would have identified that I have a calling. Only they wanted me to be a child fully and go through all my stages. My state was not denied but delayed for a good cause…growth. I went entwasweni at the right time I believe, when I had endured most of life’s teachings  that prepared me to be a healer. Remind me to thank my grandfather should I forget, whether I was cognisant of it or not then or now,  that was a significant event in my life that sped up the solve for X process. Solve for X became living instead of chasing spirits. You see, It is in the living that the spirits settle as and when they should. 

Whether you are grieving loss of a loved one, a love you never had or a part of your being you just can’t explain, the first step is to release. In the release don’t dwell on the why but be mesmerized by the endless possibilities of your surroundings. Seek counsel from your traditional healer if you must, it might be a minor traditional ritual you need to do to help with the release. Take in the love, appreciate the gestures and most importantly be present, accountable and be grateful. Love dissipates when taken for granted because the heart tires, even the love for yourself! Which is what then leads people to substance abuse, depression, and suicide the heart tires and loses the battle with the mind, self-love escapes and people engage in self harm. 

So the next time someone asks you how you are, think about it and respond with, “ I am actively healing” because that is what we do every day, si ya phila.  Remember we come from people who also have scars that needs to heal through the living. We don’t say it in plural for fun, we say it cognitively to heal the thousands of the ten thousands we walk with. 

Some of us just need to change the focus point by just being grateful.  When you meet the likes of us and we greet by saying “thokozani!” indulge us and respond “nge njabulo” ! for it is not only for the sake of sangoma language we do it……we see beyond the naked eye. 

Makwande !!

Holding The Candle

Letting go of someone you shared your life with is never a cut and dry occurrence, no matter how brief it was, if the connection was impactful… well braise yourself for a lifetime of ukubamba I khandlela. 

So many times we tell ourselves that we have let go, only until you meet them again then boom you fall right back in love. Silly you does not always remember the detail of what led to the break-up, it just feels good and you let go. Often we consciously  don’t let go for reasons unknown to us, we try and fail and are never able to figure out why this person is so difficult to let go.

Unfinished romance, that’s the reason. We believe in predestined paths and that we never meet by chance, everything happens as it should when it should. It may get delayed due to people interferences or even self-sabotage, trust you me what must be must be. Life will keep taking you through the same experiences until you come to terms with what must be. 

What is unfortunate about our paths is that  much as it must cross with a particular person’s, you will not always be on par with maturity, wisdom, growth, as well you don’t always know if the crossing paths are a season, a reason, or a lifetime. You don’t get tuned into the right frequencies for each other for there to not be disturbances in your transmissions, and  then the wave of life strikes and heartache happens. 

Someone gets chosen for you for a season, reason, or lifetime. The seasonal people come as enhancers they don’t repeat cycles. They often show up when you are getting into a season of reaping and need assistance. They are the Nights on a horse that come to rescue you, you fall in love and they leave you…LOL ! heartbroken but whole. Acknowledge the win, count your blessings and switch off that candle

The reasons come to teach you a lesson for your growth or to gain wisdom, through pain disguised as love they teach you about yourself. They come yes when your guard is down and you’re as innocent as they come. From the beginning the signs are there, but ignored because the person feels so familiar.  You get used and hooked to the familiar until you’re convinced it is love and then the lessons begin.  These people repeat cycles, you will keep attracting the same kind or they will keep coming back to you until you have learned the lessons and each time, they leave you more broken than before. Recognise the signs as red flags, take in the lesson and switch off that candle

The lifetime, there is always an intriguing story to tell about how you met,  when told takes you right back to that day, when remembered makes your heart skip a beat and sneaks in a smile.

The lifetime faces many challenges very early in the relationship, the hoops and hurdles they jump through are exhausting. These two people are emotional, irrational, delicate, temperamental infuriating and would damn well drive each other to e Bhofolo (madhouse) but there’s always that light that burns nonstop inside that you just can’t switch off, the love that never goes away

Each one of these phases when inscribed in your path, must happen. Some stay longer than they should and some shorter than they should, why ? Because we are human, we want it to make sense, to add up, we want closure. That’s when we hold the candle, because either you were not ready for it to end yet, or it ended prematurely. Yazi holding the candle continues to beyond the grave ? The person comes back as a certain variant of the Mdawu ancestor to a relative of the one who denied the love from continuing . This kind of the Mdawu variant  comes to claim things owed or unfulfilled.  

It is therefore important to communicate when in a relationship, talk about the candles you’re holding without having to fear judgement. You reunite with your ex after being apart for seven years, of course life went on for one and stood absolutely still for the other…holding the candle. When you rekindle, the one holding the candle is already on the  “planning the wedding” chapter, because they never stopped being with you even in your absence. While the other one is at “Rediscovering myself” chapter. 

These two people are miles apart and the one ahead must stand and wait for the other to finish the chapter of “ rediscovering myself” , get through the chapter of “ I know my worth”  and many others to get to the chapter of “ planning the wedding” . Only to get to that part and decide to rename it to “ how to be together without the pressure of marriage”. Imagine being told that all you were looking forward to, was actually just a fantasy and doesn’t hold realistically. 

There is a picture of a big cat holding it’s prey by the neck and it reads” Lenza kanje idlozi mali kulanda kwi relationship” loosely translated, your ancestors fetch you kicking and screaming from a relationship that doesn’t work.

 I beg to differ yazi, I think they sit and watch of course giving all possibilities a chance to make the relationship work. See, idlozi can be very patient and silent. When then the chances have ren out, the heart tires and you can slowly feel that candle going off inside, the flame gets weaker and weaker. There is no kicking and screaming because you see, they have prepared you for it already. In your conscious mind you try and reason with the subconscious, questioning why the tired, where is the candle flame. 

The answers come in silence too, why the tired? Because you’ve been loving them in their absence, continued to love them in their presence being absent, you waited for them to catch up and when they did, they redefined your dream for you. Then you ask, where is the flame? the flame they ask, each time you cried because you had to remind them you were there, begged for quality time, ached for cuddles and kisses while they were right there, those tears tamed the flame.

Holding the candle can be good for people who both held the candle for each other, and paralyzing for those who held the candle on their own. Most often we can’t help it because it is inscribed in us without even knowing. Do yourself a favour, be firm with your partner about who you are and what you want. Don’t be blindsided by the excitement of getting back together, and if that flame keeps burning amidst the strolling through chapters while you wait, you have two choices;

  • Make a turn and go start the “Rediscovering myself” chapter  after they have completed it, who knows you might discover your sanity,  walk away and deal with the pain as it comes. 
  • Or, join a wine club and bloody drown that flame with grape juice. By the time they get to  “ How to be together without the pressure of marriage” chapter, you’ve already jotted down a few pages of your own !

The plight of a black child

It is often said, for one to walk through the gates za se phehlweni ( healer initiation school) life would have shown you flames. You get there humbled by life in all aspects,  in preparation to submit to your ancestors and guide, god forbid you enter into a place that emphasizes your struggles through the rotten treatment you get, which is not a step closer to healing you. Then, when an initiate is not submissive, we’d often say it is because they haven’t been through enough struggle. Life needs to teach them a little bit more to bend them to shape…

Isn’t it sad ? That we accepted ukuba one needs to be shown flames by life to prepare you for a life of flames anyway? Andazi no ba ni ya ndiva na..but should the journey to healing not start with healing the self before being taught to heal the next? It feels like as a black child we’ve become so accustomed to suffering and struggle that we believe it is our right of way. I often wonder sometimes what the point to it all is…

E neneni there are no guarantees that after initiation and graduation your life will be smooth as a healer, on the contrary mtasekhaya. So my question stands, why do we have to go through flames only to get into flames ? How different are we then from those who just run away from the calling and suffer the consequence, because ke we accept the calling and endure the consequence too.

Ku thiwa phahla until something happens, heee uyalazi wenaidlozi ? Uzo phahla, uphahle, u phahlulule, u de u phahluke kuthe tuu ncweeee, ho se na nko e tswang le mina. And that, cuts across all human u thwasile, unga thwasanga. Many healers will tell you we face challenges that makes you just want to burn your ndumba , drive you to alcoholism and depression and move to another life as in literally reincarnation vibes.

I hear kuthiwa mjolo the pandemic, kodwa heyi idlozi lizakophula intliziyo, it will break your heart to a point of beyond repair. Yazi growing up I never used to believe in I zangoma I suppose partly because I was raised in a church environment, but also because it was rare, I mean very rare to find i Sangoma that is well off financially and clean. It seemed their lives were sacrificed for the betterment of others. Hayi maan, coming to think of it, not even their families would shine, instead be ostracized. They were weird and scary maybe even respected…..a little. You were special to be the chosen one, hayi kodwa salute to those who took it up back then, it was not an easy plight.

Then we evolved, now healers get on stage and sing, DJ, act. Now healers have 9 to 5 jobs, are educated and are entrepreneurs living in suburbs and rarely found in the mountains. Now it has become less scary to socialise with healers or their family members. We wear pants, short skirts, and weaves, not obligated to do dread logs on our heads. But have our struggles changed ? 

These are not the things we as healers talk about. We parade client praises on social media platforms, we parade “power”, we parade “knowledge”, ngu lowo na lowo who wants to canvas their gift. We teach connection and alignment to ancestors, but get connected and aligned and then what ? We teach about vibrations and how low vibrations will not get you closer to alignment, basically saying try very hard to detach from life’s struggles as it lowers your vibrations….but honestly how easy is it ?  

I can’t help but ask myself if this evolution of I zangoma is going the way our ancestors want it go. Are we interrogating why we have so much struggle? U thwasile unga thwasanganditsho ku sithwa u aligned there’s often something out by one foot or one finger.  Ku ze ku thiwe you don’t finish u siSangoma because you are faced with new challenges all the time. But because we have become so accustomed to struggle and challenge, we say it is better just because we can recently afford to buy white bread instead of brown with challenges still coming fast and furious. 

Listen I Sangoma still has marital problems, boyfriend/ girlfriend problems, affordability problems, baby daddy/mama drama, just like any other person without a calling. Actually double the struggles for one with a callingbecause you cannot tackle challenge like an ordinary person, there are rules and regulations…dude you have no idea. Oh please make no mistake though, protection we have, wisdom we have, light we have, you will have something to eat, somehow there will always be a means to a way just enough to keep you humble, or thrive. Kodwa u nga phaphi because it will be snatched away not withstanding the difficulty it came by, very quick

Then guys why do we do it, why do we still teach connection and alignment, wait even better are we teaching connection and alignment? Because should it not get easier then when connected and aligned ? Is the plight of a black child really just struggle, challenge and overcoming one after the other ? Until when ? When do we get to a place of black privilege and entitlement ?

We continue to do it for those who come after us, so that the path walked by us can be a little more smoothed to enable them to walk barefoot and not be pricked by ameva. We continue to do it for our kids, grand children and great grand children to create a road map so that they can speak of what they have seen, experienced and can reference to. 

Are we teaching connection and alignment ? You bet your R1000 weave we are. Our ways might be a little suspect but remember we come from a place of almost zero reference, due to all the impressions projected of being a healer. Healing back then was a huge mystery and often something that meant you have no life but to serve other.

Is the plight of the black child  to continuously overcome struggle ? It certainly seems that way doesn’t it ? Granted, we get ourselves in situations we really have no business being in, then turn around and say idlozi…I however still want to get to a point of black privilege, where my ancestors favoursme just because I am black and proud ! Where I do not have to call them from afar (Phahla for months) to get something I really need and not get into politics of whether it is a want or need. Why can’t I just have because I work, not eventually have because I struggled. 

Hayi bef’wethu maybe we just need to live…. cleanse, connect, align and live. Let our ancestors worry about raising our vibrations through not only hearing our cries each time siphahla, but having a 10111 response to it. 

Maybe, just maybe in that way they might just come to tell us what we are missing in our journeys that will eventually lift the moratorium on black privilege


My grandfather and grandmother up in uMthata shared a story with us, that one found amusing and the other not….

She went into a taxi and found a few ladies, nje nga siqhelo she greeted but the response was not as  usual. She ignored it and thought to herself maybe they are just in a foul mood for the day. Until one of the ladies could just not contain herself and blurted it out in a disgusted tone, “ honestly Ma X how could you? How could you do that to such an honourable man? Obviously very confused she asks” I ntoni? What have I done?” the lady clapped her hands and continued to murmur “ Yhooo, isibindi sakho, waw’gqiba uzimangaze”. Meaning the nerve you have for committing such then turn around and act innocent.

She gets home relays this to my grandfather, further explaining how confusing all of this was. She was not ready for the belted laughter that came from him, seriously amused. He went on to explain how it all started. My grandfather was in the company of these women who expressed how scarce he’s been. Clever him respond with the following,” OOHH, hayi kanti ngu skaat wonke lo. You see my wife called me one day to come and taste if the korobela she poured in the pot was strong enough. I got there and tasted, and thought it to be a bit weak, so I asked her to put in some more. We stirred the pot and tasted again; I concurred to it now being strong enough”. 

Of course he found it absolutely amusing, with no care of how it tarnished my grandmother’s name in the village…truly speaking, I think after a while she couldn’t be bothered either. She has her skaat and his skaat has her and that was all that mattered. 

I was thinking about them the other day and that story crossed my mind, got me thinking;

What is korobela ka hle hle ?

 Is it used for the right reasons ?

 Should it even be used on someone?

We’ve heard stories about korobela since growing up, there were even songs from the likes of Sello Chicco Twala that went like “ African woman, why give me korobela. No korobela. I wonder why I wash you. I wonder why I cook for you. no kororbela” This song along with all the other stories portrayed  korobela as an enslaving mechanism, given to men by woman who wanted to control them.  Just a quick short left…. do white people use korobela, yazi I wonder?  Any way in all its glory , korobela never came across as a home building tool, a love gesture or a human rescuing mechanism. 

Was it because the korobela then was too potent ? I mean I know we used to look at all men with umkhaba who seemed to like their woman a lot and think, it’s the korobela brewing inside them that inflated the stomach. Was it really ? 

As a healer today I know better. I know there are mitigating circumstances that would agree with the use of korobela and there are some not. I also conducted a mini survey on WhatsApp and telephonically asking people their feeling about korobela, I must say it was a balanced response. An equal number of people are for and not for.

The question begs, why was there a need to form this mixture called korobela, where did it all start? 

In the olden days our grandmothers used to be obedient housewives who knew that their husbands take care of a few households in the village. It was never something the women of those households bragged about either. It was a silent unwritten agreement. Thy cherished the visits and prepared for it, entertained the man, bo sule umlomo and allow him to be on his way and wait for the next visit.  

Man who practiced transparent polygamy, had to derive a way of managing these women. Such would go to a male healer, to get something to assist him in building his home. Meaning this thing would assist the women of the house to get along and, submit to the head of the house_ the man. 

In actuality korobela was meant for women  not man. Additionally, it was a home building tool, not love enhancer and, women then knew nothing about it. Times changed and people evolved, kwa moshakala. In the survey I conducted there were man who said yes to korobela – absolutely korobela rocks, and there were women who said no to korobela –  absolutely not  indoda ayidliswa. Which brings me back to the mitigating circumstances. 

As healers I’d like to think we don’t just freely give out I korobela to just anyone asking for it. We throw the bones to check the background of the people, the validity of the person requesting the korobela and most importantly, is the korobela warranted and acceptable by your ancestors and the ancestors of the one the korobela will be used on. If we don’t follow that process korobela becomes just another weapon in society used to  control and destroy marriages. This can no longer be called healing but witchcraft. 

There are scenarios that warrants I korobela, and there are those that are clearly uku geza no bu greedy. You want to soften your woman/man up so you can get away with adultery and others do it because they want to be given the entire salary by their spouse/partner.  Then there are young girls who use it to lure man for financial gain and man who use it to lure older woman or younger girls for power, ooohhh heck some use it to gain popularity. What this group doesn’t understand is that it has adverse effects when used for selfish reasons.

Yebo, kumnandi when it is working because ave isebenza! Do you know though that it must be renewed periodically and if not done, as it wears off from the person used on how they see you also diminishes to filth?  People wonder what happened to so and so, they were so in love and the next day he/she woke up never wanting to see him/her ever again…yep I phelile and you missed the renewal time frame.  Do you also know that using it for selfish reasons I kufakela isichitho , isimnyama, nesidina wena the user and the usee ? 

When there are mitigating circumstances that warrants the use of korobela, the golden rule is to ask. Request permission from  your owners and your partners owners_ the ancestors. Make sure that the sole reason is to build your home and wena Healer make sure that you give it out for the purpose of healing. You find that poor woman is tired from curing STD’s all the time, you throw the bones uyabona ku kho ingozi la, this woman could end up with a deadly disease. Upon further investigation you determine that this man actually loves his wife and family but is just weak to short skirts and dimples out there. Solution? Fa ka le korobela wena Nyanga. 

A loving man/woman the sweetest ever when sober, but once they’ve had one glass of alcohol they turn into something else they always wake up regretting the next day. They’ve tried to stop drinking, in fact they have stopped a few times kodwa baya bora and become finicky when they don’t drink. These two people are in love and they want each other. Solution? Faaakkaaa le korobela wena nyanga!

Qaphela ke, I did say the golden rule is to ask. There are people korobela should not be used on totally, because it kills who they are. The more you use korobela on them, the more they drift away from you and like you lesser and lesser. You become so confused and desperate and end up using all forms of it, not realising that you are the one becoming more obsessed with them. 

The opposite is also true, using korobela on someone it doesn’t agree if it works could ruin that person to beyond recognition. They become someone not even you can find joy in, what was the point then as you end up leaving them to spoil while you go get fresh meat out there. Spreading the venom from one person to the next, this time unintentionally. Be se u hambe uthi una ma bhadi, wena you are unlucky in love….no sisi karma is just working on you.

Sometimes korobela is as simple as leaving someone when the situation is no longer conducive for you. Korobela could also just be working on yourself, realign yourself with yourself by cleansing, meditation, uku phahla and prayer. Korobela is also sometimes just simply showing love with no reservations, communication and acceptance. Nge li nye I xesha ke  it is simply the case of you two having no business being together, yo hlukanani ngo xolo.

 Most importantly stop creating reasons for the next person to want to bewitch you, if the love is gone hamba, just leave in peace and stop dragging other mothers’ children along for your amusement or due to your lack of spine. Nawe eish, people have a million ways of saying I don’t want you, learn to believe them. 

Also, phuma ezi ndabeni za bantu, some man love being kept allow their women to korbela them in peace and remember you are not Jesus Christ the savior, u yesu wa bethelelwa emqamlezweni wena gqadambekweni !

God the Father…..Aku lahlwa mbeleko nga ku felwa

A Xhosa idiom meaning you do not lose who you are or what you represent only because you are suffering a loss/ feel unfulfilled or have been cheated out of something. 

Let me first take this opportunity to confess, maybe put a disclaimer out there…..I was raised in a Christian home, to a point where I was ordained as an Anglican church lay minister, at home we still believe in right of passage being baptism and imbeleko  combined, as one cannot exist without the other. Uzu qonde sana how deep this Christianity goes in me, my partner went to bible school in preparation of meeting me ! Don’t tell him I said that ssshhhh!

I put all this out there to vouch for me that, andimbanga kangako yazi……..I am a good girl.

Now I am glad we got all of that out of the way, I need you to think broadly, out of the box kind of thing neh.. So I came across this clip on WhatsApp, an interview on YFM  and this guy said “the destiny of a child will not change just because the father is not there”, powerful loaded statement. He went on to say “ even Jesus’s story is not told to the fullest. We all know that god was a remote  father but Jesus went on to be great in the books of history”. The part that got me the  most is him saying “ uJesu e hamba phezu kwa manzi kanje,  a ze abethelelwe  emnqamlezweni yi ndaba ye si bongo, le ngane I hlutshwa yi ndaba ye surname” . Loosly translated it means all of Jesus’s challenges, even after screaming Eloyi eloyi he continued to be crucified was due to him not using his rightful surname, translating to misalignment with his ancestors. 

For those who are awake we know that misalignment bring about hardships, struggles, misfortunes endless challenges, hurdles and whoops you will need to jump through before achieving. Achieve you will, but no achievement will come easy, and even when you have…just when you think you’ve arrived then it all falls apart and you must start from the beginning….

There are two parts to this conversation that got me thinking, 1. You will not cease who you must be, only because daddy was absent. Yes you will have challenges, but your greatness is dependant on effort and alignment. 2 This male absenteeism is deeply rooted, all the way from the creator himself. Sana kaloku u the Father wa nyengeza u Maria ne sisu, wa so sulela ku Joseph. Aka yeka apho, u the Father went on to make a rule about the first fruits having to be an offering to him. …..And the plot thickens, yes it was his way of covering up that first mishap kaloku yo mithisa umfazi womntu…..yhuuuuu ma ndo yiswe!

Thing is u Fathers didn’t realise the generational curse he was causing, woman passing kids off to fathers who are not theirs, man running away from their parental obligation, kids running away from homes ending up as street kids…yes Jesus rarely stayed home kaloku, as well as marriages being so hard to keep…. yes because there is this underlying anger in man of being made a fool during the people. If we bring it back to the African ways, thina sizwe sa ka ntu we believe in responsibility and ownership. Our clever ancestors saw this coming and they made a counter rule yoba imvelaphi yomntwana I balulekile, simply put it is imperative to know your origin/ foundation and they derived ways of aligning kids to their parentals. They could not let u Fathers kaloku get away with such destruction. 

It’s worse sana uba, these absent parentals take on the nature ka Fathers and haunt you in your dreams and demand to be known and acknowledged….qwidi qwidi you must walk up the mountain or go to the veld u yo phahla to derive a connection with them. It now becomes your problem as the child to seek them….wait doesn’t that remind you of a scripture Matthew 7:7 seek and you shall find? He ha ke u Fathers this is deep! Kakade why must his laws be so enslaving….. knock and it shall be opened, ask and it shall be given, why can’t it just be yours njeeee ke because he has the power to just give, wouldn’t that just be the greatest display of love! Kodwa ma ka ncengwe qala….typical behaviour of a guilty person covering up…(rolling my eyes).

Now that such truths have been discovered, what do we do…..Let’s start from the beginning. We need to align the Father to the son properly ngo kwe sintu. Ma ku hlanjululwe e la dlozi li ngu Fathers, yes we need to cleanse the Father. This is where we all cooperate for the greater good of the nation. Let all those who say our father who art in heaven gather at a central place for a cleansing ceremony. Yes we are fixing the nation to achive;

  • Claiming back active present parenting _ kaloku the point of departure for all men is to run as soon as there is a pregnancy i.e. Fathers saying the child is Joseph’s
  •  Claiming back harmonious loving marriages_ dealing with the underlying anger and feeling of betrayal in men as well as the blind obligation to stay in marriages they are not happy in i.e. Joseph shame man
  • Relinquishing  ama hands ball / amadjasi i.e. the need for DNA tests_we are ending the trend in woman to pass on kids to man who are not theirs for the sake of saving face
  • Most importantly returning Africans to Africa

This as I see it is just the beginning of our awakening, see it as you will there is a true story behind the bible. I mean, we don’t even know what really happened ngo Satan, who is his mom, maybe he was passed on to Fathers as his own and DNA test later proved he was not, thus the abandonment to hell? 

He he he he the plot thickens…..that is a story for another day.