Every relationship begins with the best of intentions. There are few and far in-between that begin with intentions to harm, even with those li ya fika idlozi and you often hear people disclaim “ I didn’t expect to feel this way this soon”.
From lieutenant to tenant he he he he , aiy maar kodwa kunzim’emhlabeni. A demotion that hits you so fast your head spins uncontrollably for a while. The lieutenant hardly sees it coming, while uMgoma has been living it for a while. A bit of an unfair advantage, but hey such it is to have a gift ( Article -Abusing the office ). As uMgoma make no doubt you feel the beginning of the end, being stubborn and caught up in what we think is love keeps us from ripping off the band-aid our self. Knowing very well how much more painful it is when idlozi does it on our behalf.
You see the signs; you get the visions, you hear the messages, you bargain when you phahla asking for the relationship to be granted immunity, you even cry. The answer comes, but is not what you are looking for, you therefore don’t hear the messages and you cry wolf ….abadala abaphenduli. At this time you’ve began to feel the tear In your soul, the fear of being without, the sadness, and it has begun to hurt.
The lieutenant aka bambeki has for some reason just turned into something else. Someone you can’t recognise, deaf and dumb hell bent on pointing all fingers at you. It is you, you are to blame, you suddenly do all the wrong things rubbing him off the wrong way. He doesn’t get you, you don’t get him. You beg, you cry, you try to reason, but how though, how do you reason with Pharaoh? Do you remember the old testament where God hardened Pharoah’s heart so not to react to all of Moses’s wonders ?Exodus 7:3-14 But I will harden Pharaoh’s heart that I may multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt. When Pharaoh does not listen to you, then I will lay My hand on Egypt and bring out My hosts, My people the sons of Israel, from the land of Egypt by great judgments. The Egyptians shall know that I am the Lord, when I stretch out My hand on Egypt and bring out the sons of Israel from their midst
Yep, all so the lessons learned must be remembered. In my previous article I mentioned that all Thabo’s leave you with a lesson to remember for the next man who enters your life. How then will that lesson be engraved in your mind if it does not come through challenge ? Imagine if all relationships ended happily, then we all wouldn’t mind breaking up. No pain no gain for anything that has to do with shaping up, that’s just how life was designed. Marvellous thing is, all that is needed is surrender, embrace the process and you would have turned the corner, if true to yourself; never to look back.
I ask myself how people are still questioning the link between the bible ne dlozi, when what they explain as God’s behaviour in the bible is exactly the nature ye dlozi….go figure
I mentioned prior the pain felt through the tearing of souls, yes because when Lieutenant Sangoma and Gog’Luu come together two souls collide. When the relationship ends, the souls tear apart. It creates a physical pain called heartache. The first knock is so painful you literally want to blow cool air to your heart as though cooling a kid’s porridge before feeding them, so the heart can just stop paining. Unfortunately, the more stubborn you are Sangoma, the harder the knock, the heavier the lessons and the deeper the pain.
You get to a point where you reach numb status, uyangala, let the ancestors just do what they want, kodwa nawe unqabile when they told you go…just go Mgoma, trust the process, there is better to come.
Now the lieutenant is gone, he has now become a tenant, he still lives in your mind, but has left your life, making him a tenant; u ya renta only difference is you pay on his behalf through the torture of wondering why and I wonder what people are saying thoughts. Claim back your space, after every relationship cleanse. Cleanse yourself off his aura, his sent, his mannerisms and his thoughts. Not that he was disgusting, but only to unclog your view, giving the next person to come a fair chance to settle. This will also allow lieutenant a complete exit. Release him to also be free and happy wherever he is, mkhulule so you can start the new chapter to your life, mkhulule so the process can be complete.
My grandmother used to say; after every relationship you need to mourn. I never used to understand, because mourning is for when people pass away and the beggar is not dead, he just broke my heart. Why waist another minute of my time mourning him, when I should just be replacing him with someone else! Saying goodbye is much more than just the words and the tears. Allow the mind to say goodbye, allow the heart to do its bye bye, allow the body to say goodbye, as the souls would have long left the union.
Holding on to each other creates an even bigger rift a huge spiritual war, things fall apart badly, I mean havoc. Seating next to each other and feeling so empty, the relationship feeling like such a job, everything you do just not coming together, let it go mntwan’edlozi. The souls have long torn, akusena bantu lapho. You keep knocking on that door and getting the same response “ there’s nobody home, abantu abekho”.
Make sure to educate the lieutenant on his departure to cleanse himself, that is if he doesn’t want you as a ghost in his relationships. I had mentioned in the previous article that being the tenant Sangoma is not an easy role, that we stand in front of our partners with humble souls and the best of intensions holding up an invisible board. Now yet again at the end hold up another board, but visible this time saying, “ We valued your contribution, safe journey ahead”.
Zila Sangoma, respect your gift and allow the lessons to sink, give I dlozi a chance to explain it all to you for those wounds to close and heal. Wait, wait, practice patience, wait. It is not the easiest of times and can either make you or break you, trust the process, I promise, there is best to come. Never get to a point of desperation, love portions are definitely not your answer, bring back lost lover will only ruin your path as it is meddling with your process, and besides you’re giving us a bad name. Deserting your calling convinced that if you become born again and take your calling the church way, you will save the relationship. U ya phambuka Mgoma. Sana there’s no running away, there is definitely no turning ubuNgoma into christianity. You hear people misleading others” I took it the church way and I didn’t need to thwasa” he he he show us please how that is working for you thus far. Be very afraid of the wrath ye dlozi, Ingqumbo yezinyanya akundlwan’iyanetha.
Avoid keeping people for longer than they should be in your life, you are suffocating them and yourself. You are only hurting yourself by carving your own path leading to distraction. Always remember, we must get to where we must be, kicking, screaming, bruised or dead…( tenant Sangoma..what are you getting yourself into) your choice.
Holding on creates as I mentioned a spiritual war, uMgoma ends up becoming badluck to the tenant. Uzothi ma ke phuma eyohlola kuthwe uloywa huwe. Trust me lieutenant, you also do not want to meddle with someone being dealt with by the ancestors. Here they are trying to get her back on track to restore her being, there you are wena night and shining armour staying for all the wrong reasons. You will suffer the same fate as she, nizoba mpunga, they don’t play with you.
He becomes a lieutenant for a reason, he was a season in your life, plain and simple, a short term need that was fulfilled. You have amongst your gifts also the gift of goodbye, utilise it by finding reason, any reason to make sense of your current situation to keep your sanity intact. Lieutenant has completed his course with you, has graduated, allow him his growth too, let him go. His future is waiting for him, yet there you two are, delaying the process. Imagine the havoc that happens when a train or plane is late? Yep those are the consequences, appointments are missed, opportunities lost, and some people must start an entire process from scratch.
If you’re an old person like myself you’ll remember the old records – vinals. When the needle is dirty, the record wouldn’t move and it made the most irritating sound. The beat stops and all that is heard is a squeaky unpleasant noise, that no one enjoys. Don’t be the unbearable squeaky sound in people’s lives, carrying around accumulated dirt creating scratches on paths already carved. You are meant to be a clean sharp needle allowing the tunes to play, your songs and for others. Be that thing, that mediates for the song to be heard, lead the beat iSangoma while dancing to it in the process too. What a joy!
Lieutenant to tenant, ubuyivumelan’ inkathazo …..